35MM ILFORD HP5: Los Angeles, CA
Before the end…
She came sparingly, when she came at all…
I understand now, through countless nights of abuse/breaking down through silence, that my lovers were/are a direct reflection of how I sincerely perceive myself.
Those positive affirmations of a drunken coward, the discount rags of self awareness, the running on fumes of emotional connectivity, no. not those.
The “why me”s the “not again”s…
hung headed chest poundings of 3am…
Willfully giving myself away to the worst I could find/attract.
I’d been gifted an authentic view from between the shatterings of my infant heart. Into the causal point of all my sufferings…That I chose to ignore this…
honestly…